A little over a year blogging and an average of over a post per week. I’ve picked up a nice number of followers, though I know very well that doesn’t necessarily equal readers. I’ve developed blogrelationships with a handful of fellows here on WordPress too, which I value.
I’ve never considered myself a writer; there are far more serious writers in the family. Nevertheless I believe my skills have improved and I’m proud of myself. I started blogging because I had some things burning in my brain that I thought needed to be said, things I wasn’t seeing much elsewhere. I was writing about them anyway; why not post them on the ubiquitous interwebz?
But you all know what happens. You begin thinking in blog. You don’t have an epiphany, an idea, a perspective, or just a thought, but that your next thought is how you’re going to word it in your blogpost. You must tell the world!
You stop telling real people your thoughts and instead write them up, revise and perfect them so that you can post them to truly virtual strangers. You’re writing all the time internally instead of engaging and relating with the real humans in your world. You stop thinking in real world and find yourself thinking in blogworld.
And instead of expressing those burning messages, you’re finding a hundred little things to blog about, you’re reacting, you’re commenting. It takes on a life of its own.
For me it feels like Facebook II. I remember the lessons I learned there and refrain from arguing too much with people who just enjoy baiting you for a fight. I respect the expression of personal reflection on others’ posts and my own by keeping close to the author’s topic. But it still feels like The Blog is taking over my life.
And I’m violating my own standards. I’ve written a lot about staying engaged with the people in your life whom God has given you. About the priceless but limited time we are given in which to build Christ like relationships with those human gifts. About being a stay-at-home mom and the powerful opportunity that allows me to cultivate my home and my family.
I’ve never been adept at spreading my attention too thin. And I feel like my mind is in too many places now. I feel like I’ve lost the ability to focus at all. It’s stressing me out. I’m tired, I’m distracted, I’m weary and burdened.
Many times, Someone has had to tell me to scale back. Sometimes the communication has had to be unmistakable, like paradigm-shifting illness. Back to basics, back to the essentials for you. Remember the things that are really non-negotiable, your real job, your real purpose. I’ve never been a strong person and many times the essential is all I can manage.
Right now, being Mom, putting good food on the table, and being available for the essential people I’ve been given sounds like paradise. Putting away the other things, though I love them, feels like a relief.
Long story short, I won’t be blogging as much. There are still a couple of major things I need to write out in a intelligible manner, and get them just right for my kids. But otherwise, I’m going to be trying to switch my brain back to here and now mode.
And just be Wife and Mom.