What Have I Learned?

God has answered every prayer. Small things matter.

This illness is a huge ferocious bear and I simply have no choice but to obey it.

Mindfulness. After almost a year trying, I still find it difficult to be still, meditate, keep my thoughts on my breathing, to get into a habit of dismissing pesky thoughts in order to to focus on my breath, etc. I also still fail to see the benefit. I understand learning techniques to calm down but I do not agree that avoiding thinking about difficult things will accomplish that. I would rather learn to encounter uncomfortable thoughts and learn to live with them or resolve them.

I like to think. And freaking out for a little helps.

Know you are suffering. Honesty with yourself is essential and it can take time to get there. Recognize the awfulness of your situation and proceed from there.

God is with me. He is going through my suffering by my side. I don’t know why I’m stuck here but I do trust Him.
I long for the day when I will look back and see that this suffering has been redeemed.

More thoughts to come.

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